Marshmallow Mateys
“Ahoy, Captain Darkspear! Thar’ be a disturbance off the starboard bow!” yelled Woodbottom Joe (we called him “Woodbottom” on account of that he had a wooden butt) off the crow’s nest.
“Be specific, ye young rapscallion!” I hollered in reply.
“Seems to be on the broadside cap’n, perhaps it be a British ship of some sort?”
I began hobbling over to the right side of my ship, the Marshmallow, to check out the situation. “Aye, and it be a bit of a clipper, too. They be flyin’ the yellow jack. Tain’t no surprise they be movin’ swift.” Yellow fever had been running rampant along the Barbary Coast lately. Several of my marshmallow mateys had fallen ill to it already. It had gotten into the tankard of ale through the bunghole and each draught they took led them further to their deaths. Some of the cackle fruit we had for too long had gone rotten too, and considering me mateys needed nourishment, it did not help the situation.
I suspected the ship was heading to port someplace to unload their crew. Most British
ships were after the marshmallows and trade goods from the east, and I wasn’t about to let all that sweet goodness slip from my grasp.
“Avast, ye landlubbers! Raise the Jolly Roger. We’re going after thar’ treasure!” I shouted to my crew. A couple of them ran to the mast and began to raise our flag of “surrender.”
“Prepare yeselves for battle! Prepare th’ case shot! ARRRRRRRH, I’ll give ye a taste o’ the cat if ye don’t get a movin’!” I yelled as I lifted my cat’ o nine tails to the crew, being the provost captain that I was. The British ship began to sail in our direction, showing its plywood built broadside.
“Hide yer weapons, lads, we can’t be flashin’ our metal to them just yet,” I said to the crew.
“Get out the plank lads, they’re freeboard is near the same as ours. We must allow our guests the privilege of boarding us.” As the ship approached, I noticed a fine young lass about the enemy ship. No doubt a fine strumpet!
As I planned, the ship began to board us. Being the swashbuckler I was, I whipped out my marshmallow sword and began the fight. As my crew distracted the men, I made for the loot. It was approximately 50 fathoms beneath the ship, so I hastily began my descent. As I approached the treasure, I blissfully looked upon the beautiful coffer. Inside were billions of doubloons and marshmallows, enough to keep me mateys happy for ever and ever. ARRRRGGGHHHH!
